Based on a conversation I had today, I wanted to share what ends up as one of those “kind of funny teachable moments” things.
For those unaware, “carrot or stick” refers to a type of reward/punishment system in order to get people to do something. If you reward good behavior, you are offering the “carrot”. If you punish bad behavior, you are hitting with the “stick”. This is sometimes “carrot and stick”, which means you’re using both. For example, if your teacher says, “If everyone gets over 95% on the exam, I’ll buy the class some pizza. But if even one person gets below 80%, you will all have to write a 20-page essay over the weekend” then that is a “carrot and stick” approach…the pizza being the “carrot” and the essay being the “stick”.
^^^^^ I could have included a “carrot and stick” clipart drawing but this is much more informative and fun???
That being said, there’s this idea that fitness and motivation to lose excess fatty tissue should only come in the form of a “carrot”. You’ll get links to articles like this one and then people will respond to that with articles like this one. Aside from the fact that neither article deals with the idea that “fat shaming” means different things to different people (and something like, “Grandpa, I don’t want you to die before you see your grandkids, I’m worried about your weight because you already have sleep apnea and diabetes as a result” is wildly different from being at a Starbucks and some stranger saying, “Of COURSE you ordered the venti frappuccino, you fat piece of shit!” are two completely different things), it totally ignores the fact that while some (most?) people prefer the “carrot” method, there are some that genuinely like the “stick”.
I’ve had different jobs throughout my life, one of which is a personal trainer*, and that’s when I found this out. You see, most of the time, people come to you because they want some pretty straightforward help. They know you spend your time nerding out over this fitness stuff and they want you to use that nerding to streamline their own approach to fitness. Humans are social animals, so most people I’ve trained like that supportive approach since we want to have good/amicable social encounters.
As both the nerd and someone with plenty of social awkwardness, I ended up getting into fitness myself and that’s how I lost the weight. I wasn’t really “carroted or sticked” because the outside commentary I got was just based on the situation and the individual as opposed to a reliable trainer that I met with weekly…I’d say that my own situation losing over 100lbs wasn’t a carrot/stick scenario, and it doesn’t have to be because if you’re an introvert like me someone else’s outside opinion on a snapshot of your life doesn’t really motivate you either way. Not everyone is like this, though. A lot of people love the “carrot” approach.
^^^^^^^^^^^ I still hate my face lol help
But there ARE people who want the “stick”, and that’s okay, too. If that’s how they get their motivation, that’s okay. As a “stick” trainer, I’m just less friendly when it comes to not staying on track. If someone tells me they couldn’t exercise for the entire week, my response looks like this:
Average Response – “Well, it happens, but you need to figure out why you let it happen. You can’t default to something like, ‘It’s okay to skip out this week because I’m feeling X way’ because you’ll keep using that excuse in the future and eventually stop exercising completely, which won’t get you to your goals.”
Stick Response – “I know you think that X is an excuse, but tough shit. Are you going to just quit making progress every time things get a little uncomfortable, stressful, or difficult? Your life is going to have countless periods of tough times, so if you just throw your whole daily routine out the window because you think things suck right now, you’re never going to meet your goals.”
The time the “stick” didn’t work is when a couple I was training SERIOUSLY WANTED THE STICK. Wait, that sounds wrong…but you know what I mean. It wasn’t just ANY stick, it was the “Ohhh, you were in the Marines?!?” stick. When people find this out, they sometimes come at me with these questions to basically get me to confirm/deny something they heard from somewhere or saw in some movie. As a trainer, though, when they find out that I served in the Marines the “stick” types ask me to “go all Drill Sergeant” on them, to which I politely let them know that Drill Sergeants are in the Army, not the Marines, and if I were to go Drill Instructor on them they’d hate me, possibly cry, and never return because it’s not fucking fun. They really like this idea, though, this like movie idea where I’d be in their face yelling that they’re some disgusting maggot…they think that’d be motivating. This is how I know to use that “stick” example above. They think it helps them be “more accountable” knowing they’ll get lectured if they fail, that works for them, fine.
^^^^^^^^^^^It’s okay to be scared of me and also having the urge to pinch my cheeks cuz dawww look at da cute boot Marine
This couple would NOT let me hear the end of it. They BEGGED for the “real Marine boot camp” experience (which…like…for SO many reasons I cannot give them…SO many), so I did end up “going all Drill Instructor” and they were fucking miserable because it’s not just like, “lel gimme 10 push-ups, U MAGGIT” stuff. It’s not fun. It’s me telling you to do X. You do not do X correctly, even slightly incorrectly or “lazily”, so I get right in your face and yell at you to do some other task.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^Like this but in color
In this case, it was some kind of sit-up thing and the wife was being lazy about it and I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, fatty! I thought you WANTED to actually get a damn workout while you’re here? You came here to joke around, stay fat and happy, okay, okay, I got you. It’s too hard for your precious fat-body? Okay, get on your face and PUSH” and she was like “WHAT” and I said “PUSHHHHH DO A PUSH UP PUSH UP PUSH UP GET ON YOUR FACE PUSH UP PUSH UP PUSH UP” and she tried and I’m like “OH HELL NO I DIDN’T SAY PRETEND TO SUCK AT THIS, I SAID DO A PUSH UP PUSH UP PUSH UP” so she starts doing good push-ups… …but her husband started laughing. “OH GOOOOOOD” I said in his face “THIS IS FUNNY FOR YOU FUNNY HUH THATS WHAT YOU CAME HERE FOR BECAUSE THIS IS STAND-UP COMEDY HUH WELL YOU CAN JOIN HER TO TRY TO SHAPE UP YOUR NASTY WEAK NOODLES THAT YOU CALL ARMS GET ON THE GROUNNNNDDDDDD” and his wife thinks that me focusing on him means she’s done, so she pauses and tries to get up and I started yelling at her, and I’m yelling at them both and they both FINALLY finish the push-ups to my satisfaction (I just wanted 20 good-effort ones, which I didn’t tell them but was counting in my head) and they OF COURSE both look at me FUCKING MISERABLE and I said, “This is why I told you that you wouldn’t enjoy me ‘going all Drill Instructor’ on you. The way we’re trained in the military is not for physical fitness, but to deal with mental stress.”
No surprise here: the military life (training and so forth) triggers underlying eating disorders in people who are predisposed to them far better than anything one encounters in their civilian life, so there’s a higher percentage of eating disorders in the military than in the civilian world.
So…wait…what’s the “teachable moment” I was talking about?
Oh, yeah so
it’s okay to have a different approach to being “motivated”. Nihilism can be upsetting for some and totally motivating for others. You’re not wrong, bad, ignorant, or stupid for being motivated by something other people aren’t motivated by
fat shaming from strangers is not the same as a genuine concern for health from loved ones who don’t want to bury you early
yes, it’s possible to lose over 100lbs and keep it off for over a decade
Marine Corps boot camp is not a cutesy “yeah pow pow boot camp fitness class at the local gym” because the Marine Corps is there to train your brain against stress and kinda undo certain innate responses to stressful stimuli
military personnel get eating disorders
there is no “one size fits all” solution when it comes to human beings, so don’t get stuck in that mentality
i feel like there was one more but i forgot
As usual, feel free to reblog with a question/comment, send an Ask, or message me directly.
*I quit working at the gym because I hated charging people money for what I felt should be free, so I work for free online. If you want help with fitness, be it losing excess fatty tissue, gaining muscle, improving your run time, or just staying “basically fit” while dealing with a disability, just shoot me a message.
べんきょうしなければならない 