fuck-customers:

Well i just started working at that one really popular sandwich chain like a month or so ago, right? Well. I have a few stories.
For one i “let” someone else (calling him useless teenager) use my register. Let me make this clear i never said he could use my register. Hes the most useless employee we have. He clocked in this morning and (keep in mind he only has to work three hours) made himself a free off the record sandwich, sat on the prep table and watched youtube for 20 minutes. This wasnt his break. He was clocked in. Anyway. He somehow, while manning the register over lunch rush, shorted the register 50$. My register. Now im not entirely clear on this but ive been told that it gets taken out of your paycheck. Now you might ask how i know i didnt mess up a transaction or something. I document any mistakes on the register for one, and for two i was on the register the rest of the day. I have never had a change of more than fifty cents in my register unless there is a register error.

Second story? A lot nicer. This guy comes in, obviously stoned. I love stoners so im jumping right on this. They make the best customers theyre just hungry and they dont wanna start a fuss. So he waited until the store cleared out, and then came up to us and got a steak and cheese, nbd, and then he says “can i get like. All the cheese? Like i want some of all the cheese. Can you even do that?” And im sitting there with this guy j, and hes like “ehhh thats gonna be real expensive”. Now im rooting for this guy. Hes stoned and he wants some fuckin cheese. So im like “j split the extra cheeses. Do two slices of each not four” this stoner looks at me like im goddamn steven hawking and im trying not to laugh. And well, we tag team this, tear up a bunch of cheese to spread around and voila. Mount cheesemore.

And just. Not a story. But i want this to be said.
—Everyone who orders extra lettuce can go fuck themselves.
—Everyone who wants one of everything? I personally hate you.
—To that lady who wanted a tuna sandwich toasted with four fistfuls of pickles on it? All those pickles and all that tuna in the toaster? Fuck you
—Actually anyone who wants tuna toasted. Realize i have to fucking smell that for an hour.
—Also fuck anyone that puts jalapeños in the toaster
—No i cant put a little bit more meat on that, same with cheese. I will get yelled at by just about anyone i work with so no i would rather have conflict with you
—Fuck firebird its new and its toxic to smell
—If youre allergic to anything in any of the cookies understand that theyre cross contaminated all to hell
—let me repeat that
—THE COOKIES ARE CROSS CONTAMINATED ALL TO HELL
—IF YOURE ALLERGIC TO ONE COOKIE GO MAKE YOUR OWN COOKIES
—THERES NOT EVEN SEPARATE TONGS
—I DIDNT KNOW THIS AND I WAS REALLY LUCKY I NEVER GOT A REACTION TRIGGERED I AM DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO NUTS